After a couple of hours of vigorous standing, I was pretty tired, so I crashed onto a sofa and Eri promptly fell on top of me. I’m not super into her, but it seemed like something good to do. Now, of course, we had the problem that there were two of us and three girls, but in our usual fashion Ichiro and I chose to immediately make matters worse by deciding that we both liked the same girl. Anyway, I gave the bride and groom my envelope with the customary $300 of yen in it, had some food and cocktails, and started to feel a bit more awake.

Eri’s super power is drinking everything in sight and weighing 90 pounds, which means she falls down a lot. At some point, I checked my phone, and Holy Crap, there was a text from Ichiro. He’s this Japanese dude I knew in the States, and now he was in Japan. “Meet me in Ueno.” “I gotta go,” I said to the nice girl. “You’ve got the voice of an angel.” “Well, if you insist.

I rushed home after work, changed into tight jeans and a shirt that makes my biceps look bigger than they actually are, then rode the train to Ebisu station, where Dave and Eri were waiting. Just one.” So after another two hours of singing and ten more beers, I finally caught the train to Ueno. I fell asleep a little on the way, and probably slumped over onto the guy next to me, which was fortunate because he elbowed me in the ribs and I woke up just in time to dash off the train before the doors closed. “Sounds great,” I replied, and we started looking for girls.

We got to the club around eleven, ordered a round of beers, then went to stand on the dance floor, since dancing’s technically illegal in Japan. I met Ichiro on the street, and I could tell he was already plastered, which is loosely defined as anyone equally or more intoxicated than myself. We found three reasonably attractive ladies walking down the street.

After a while, Eri started falling down, but nobody seemed to notice. “Let’s go to karaoke,” we said, and they looked at each other briefly, then off we went.

She has been in three celebrity relationships averaging approximately 3.7 years each.

Going out Friday night is great, because it’s like your weekend is three days long instead of two. I use math to make all important decisions in my life. And this went on for a while, until suddenly I had one of my trademark Moments of Clarity. Japanese weddings are just like American weddings, only the food’s a lot better and the bride and groom do about six costume changes. People gave a round of speeches, made some jokes, we all had a bunch of drinks, then went off to another restaurant, where we had more food and drinks.So late one Friday night, I found myself going to a club with Dave and Eri. This usually means I haven’t had enough to drink, and that my brain’s still functioning, which is never good. Every time I turned around, they had on a different color tuxedo and wedding dress. Then we went to karaoke, where I sat next to a nice girl who kept touching my thigh and saying what a good singer I was.Dave’s super power is speaking English, which means that you can actually have a conversation with the guy. Of course, I don’t like to brag, but it’s probably fair to say that after a few beers I have the voice of an angel. I was still puzzling over the time as I showed up to the wedding. But anyway, since the wedding was at noon, I just went in and crashed on the futon until ten, then got up, dressed, and rode back down to Ebisu. My watch must’ve gotten thrown off by the time warp, I figured.